Feeling Unmanageable

I started cleaning out the house. To me, part of Step 1 is about cleaning out the chaos, taking control of my life, as well as taking pride in my house. This past Saturday, I went through our clothes and Monday, I cleaned out seven years of toys that was just collecting dust. I have many, many opportunities in the past several years, but never got past bringing out garbage bags and containers to put them. I would just give up! Garage sales never worked out either. I tried to have the kids fill up one bin each and then told them if they sell anything, they could keep the money. The morning of the garage sale, the kids would end up removing everything out of the bins and cry that there was no way they could part with their precious toys.

Early on as a SAHM, besides starting a MLIS program, I got into different crafts. I have always like art, so it seemed natural for me to get into Scrapbooking. But we got to the point, where some months our checking balance was close to $0 because I was spending about $200-$300 a month. My excuse was that I will adjusting to living with one income. I made pretty decent money in web development, so I was used to spending and buying most anything I wanted. It was a big adjustment. The other crafts that I have got into in the past 7 years or so have been stamping, papermaking, painting on dominos, polymer clay, and most recently knitting. It got to the point, where I would start one thing and then get bored, then get into something else. It never lasted too long. My husband at this point was pretty much fed up with all my supply spending. But that part was like an addiction. I truly believed if I had all the latest tools, that my art would improve and that it would make me happy. Boy, was I ever wrong. That just led to worse addictions. All this clutter was poison to my already depressed mind. Also, I felt it gave me an excuse to surround myself with all this stuff and hide away from the rest of the family. I was wrong about that too!

Turning a New Leaf. Cleaning Out the Chaos and Mess that I Call My Life. How This Makes Me Feel.

I actually feel so much better that I am finally cleaning the house. This may sound stupid, but it true. By not surrounding myself with all the mess, I can actually think a little clearer and life is not so overwhelming. Even the simple things that made me anxious and stressed out before, is becoming a little easier to deal with. I am still unfamiliar with this feeling though. I’ve never felt it, but I am learning to like it.

The next step is to clean out all the drawers and closet, then to tackle my craft room. I will be selling all my craft supplies on ebay in the next couple months. That’s all for now!

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