You hoo! What’s this quickpress thing! Cool! Here is a cute picture of my babies long time ago.

July 25, 2005

So after that depressing entry, I thought I would share with you my first version of a homemade swift and yarn winder. The winder is not my original idea, but I was inspired by fig and plum. I tested it with some Vanna White yarn first. I have several skeins of lace yarn, but I wanted to test it on thicker yarn first.

I feel like I am drowning. Actually, it’s more like I am spiraling out of control, but what the heck, its all the same thing. I think I am in control, but I’m not. I may look happy from the outside, but inside I am falling apart. Don’t get me wrong, life is not horrible. It’s me. I’m am in this weird depressive state and getting obsessed with things that are not healthy at times. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. It’s an awful feeling, you know. I haven’t been able to concentrate on work and school, although I manage to get by. I know I need to seek professional help. I’m afraid, I suppose to face my inner demons. It’s been a long time since I have seen someone. Why do I always feel like I am being judged. Stop judging me. Just let me be me. I feel like I am suffocating.

I want to grow some pretty flowers and other vegetables today, but perhaps I will do it another day. Perhaps on a brighter day. It is gloomy today. I feel alone, surrounded by family and friends. I feel alone. This darkness. This darkness is sharing my body with me. It walks next to me and my shadow. Creeping, closer and closer. I can’t seem to shake it. I’m tired, oh so tired. It doesn’t matter that I had a full night rest or if I’ve been awake with insomnia. I still feel tired. When will I feel rested and energetic again? Coffee doesn’t help much.

If my family knew, they would think what a failure I am. Yet another thing, she can’t do right.

I just renewed Quinntillion for another year. Woohoo!!!