but it looks like that it may happen. I’m talking the method to getting Elden down to sleep. You see, Brennan was practically attached to my b**b for 22 months. He fell asleep with it in his mouth. For a while, it was okay. I felt so proud to be able to give him something that was superior to the manmade formula. But after he turned two, he was probably feeding 2x at the most. One time in the morning, and a second time to go to sleep. It drove me crazy because he relied on it to go to bed. Plus, he had four cavities in his front teeth because of it and mostly because I didn’t clean his teeth after he fell asleep with the b**b in his mouth. Finally, while spending the weekend at my parent’s house, I cut him off cold turkey. After that, he learned to fall asleep on his own. Well not really, Den has to lay with him until he falls asleep. But that is besides the point.

Now it seems like Elden is starting to fall asleep at my b**b too. When he was first born, I was like okay Elden will be sleeping in his crib no matter what. And, he won’t fall asleep by the b**b. I was quite determined to find another alternative. But then right at that first week, he went to bed with us. Although, he was falling asleep in my arms in the rocking chair. But now he isn’t falling asleep that way anymore. Also, Den is wanting him to sleep in the basinet, which is next to the bed, but was holding all the unfolded laundry. So I did that on Monday, but I fell asleep with him yesterday in bed, and yes, he fell asleep by the boob. Now tonight, I wanted him to sleep in the bassinet because I want to finish up some crafty projects, so I fed him, then played him some music and rocked him, and patted his back. Sat him on my knee and bounced him. He prefers that, rather than being rocked. I put him in the bassinet, and turned the vibrator and music. I stared at him for about 20 minutes, until he started crying. So then it was back on the bed and he fell asleep like literally in two minutes. I did put him in the bassinet, but I am not sure how I am going to get him to sleep, without “the girls”.

Such a dilemna.

**Update on my MIL

It turns out that she indeed has a faulty heart valve, so they will most likely will be doing open heart surgery on her. I am not sure when, but Saturday she will has some kind of dye insjected into her, which will run through all her veins, I think, to determine the exact problems. Tomorrow we will be taking the kids to the hospital. I am going to make a quick paper bag photo album from our get together this past Saturday, to hopefully brighten her day a little. I am really not sure, still how serious a thing this is. I guess, it is pretty serious, if you have to have heart surgery. But I suppose, this kind of surgery is common, but you know, I just don’t know.

I can’t believe it. Elden turned 3 months yesterday. Time sure does fly. He is such a sweet little guy. Coincidentaly, he had his real first laugh. Den was holding him up in the air and making open-mouthed funny faces. Luckily, I was able to catch it on video. I would post it, but it is like 2 minutes long. It is just so amazing to see all these developments through the first year.

Brennan is a really good big brother. He hasn’t been hitting him as much, but does still like to bother him a bit. Yesterday, we missed his school. Three times in the morning, it seemed like he was going to throw up, but instead he spit out huge wads of yellow saliva. It might have been a lot more, but it seemed like he was swallowing back in. Yuck! He was also having poop problems, so he didn’t want to eat anything. He instead snacked here and there all day. He ended up eventually falling asleep on the floor for a couple of others. He seemed a little more tired than usual, but not much. He did have the energy to dance to the Freeze song and the Pizza song. But he is a very energetic child, so I guess it doesn’t make much of a difference. So ya, he still has poop problems, and insists on wearing his diapers all day. He does go to the toilet in public for the most part, but does still pee and of course poop in his diapers.

Well today, we will be taking him to fun class. Den is home today, which is nice. And then maybe go to Chuckie Cheese for lunch. Plus I want to find information about their birthday parties. I know it is still 2 months until his birthday, but I am sure I need to make reservations soon. I want to get the invitations out by the first week of December. At the earliest.

Here’s an update on Den’s mom. Yesterday, she was transferred to another room, but won’t be going home yet. She is feels fairly dizzy. She has gone through a multitude of tests, including a cat scan. Apparently, it has something to do with her heart. I don’t know all the details. They said that she will either have to take medicine, or possibly have surgery. She also has diabetes. Her number was like 400 when they brought her in. I think they gave her some insulin. Apparentely, she has been having some breathing problems for the last two months. Sheesh, I don’t understand why she didn’t go to the doctors earlier. That was also like Den’s dad, he never in his life would go to the doctors. I remember the week he died, I was talking to him on the phone, and he was telling me that he had problems breathing. It was weird because the night before he died, which was Friday, he told Den and was so relieved that he was going to the Dr. on Monday. Saturday morning, he died in his sleep. All alone. Den’s parent’s had been seperated for a long while before them, so he lived by himself. But he died by himself, with no loved one’s surrounding him.

I guess my point is, why did Den’s mother wait until she passed out, to get herself checked out? Seems stupid to risk your life like that. Well, for Den’s sake, I hope everything will be okay with her.

So me and hubby finally went out by ourselves, just the two of us. It seems like decades, since we went out alone. If I remember correctly, the last time we went out was to see the L.A. Philharmonic at the Orange Coast Repository, back in April. It was Den’s 38th birthday today. I hope he doesn’t get mad that I posted his age. Anyways, we went to Claremont Village and had a wonderful lunch. I had my favorite beer, Newcastle and a yummy chicken sandwich. Then afterwards, we split up a bit and Den went to Rhino Records and I went Stamp my Heart Out and got some fun Christmas stuff. Some Heidi Swapp “french quarters” letter rubons, some holiday rubons, tiny snowflakes embies, cute Karen Foster school clips, Christmas ATC pads, a cute santa, adorable tiny christmas lights, some bottle lids with stickers to go inside of them, the December CK, the holiday Stampinton Inspirations, and a few other goodies.

We returned back to my parent’s house, and Elden was asleep and Brennan was happy as a bee. Not long after, we received a phone call from Den’s sister, Darlene. Apparantly, Den’s mom passed out while sitting on a bench near the mailbox. A neighbor saw her passed out, and called an ambulance. At that time, we had no clue as of what happened. When she passed out, she fell off the bench and hit her head. As of now, she is awake. They have done a bunch of testing, but currently they don’t know what the problem is. Den’s younger sisiter, Amy said that she was complaining about dizziness and short of breath a couple of days ago. But we are pretty much in the dark. I am sure we will know more tomorrow about her condition. We looked fine when we saw her on Saturday. The only strange thing she said was that Spam was made of ham and mashed potatoes, which I thought was hilarious. I know that has nothing to do with her passing out, but I thought I would just through that in there.

Oh after writing yesterday’s entry, I felt much better. I think the main problem is that I get so caught up on the computer. I know most people go through these stages with being online, etc. And it goes in waves. You know, I really am so glad that I got to meet a bunch of nice people online and even got to meet a couple of you person. I know that I rub people the wrong way sometimes. That’s just my personality, I suppose.

Well, please keep my MIL in your thoughts. I am sure that it is nothing serious, but you just never know. Den lost his Dad in 1997, nine years ago. I know that he would have loved Brennan and Elden so much, even if they would be his 6th and 7th grandsons. He was a very loving man.

I really am tired of having a blog online nowadays. In fact, I am really getting burnt out of the computer and online stuff in general. I have been blogging on and off since 2000. Not necessarily to make any friends (I had no expectations), but because it was the cool thing to do. Plus, I had a url, that wasn’t getting much usage being a web design portfolio, and the emo guy Sean Butay at my work had one. It had to be cool, if he had one because he was always up on the trendy stuff. Shit, whatever happened to him? I wonder if he died of a drug overdose or something.

Anyways, I am getting away from the subject at hand. So, I started a lame blog on blogger, but hosted it on my site. It was fun, but since I hosted Den’s class website on it, and he really didn’t want me to go bearing my soul that was affiliated to university stuff. So I stopped. Then I got pregnant. Work was boring as hell. I hated the clients, I hated my co-workers, cuz we were bored as hell. Anytime, there was a little tiny bit of work to do, we would all jump up and down, like we won the lottery, even if it was to add two pixels to the right on the image. Then I started commenting on other mom’s blogs. This one mom, pointed me to a messageboard, which was fun and definitely a great way to spend the time away at work. Other than playing online Sims, that is. Then I started actually meeting people, which were not my intentions, but I just wanted to get some advice.

Nowadays, I am a member of more than a dozen messageboards. Also, I try to keep up on my blogging. But to tell you the truth, I am not exactly quite sure why I still do it. Other than to write about my life and such. I find myself just posting a picture here and there, and maybe some long winded scribble. I do like writing about updates of my children and such, so that I won’t forget about them. I know if I kept a written journal, I would probably lose it or something. I’m pretty damn unorganized. I definitely get burnt out on the messageboards. I find them fun, but they are so time consuming. I really enjoy the scrapping ones because they really fuel my creativity. Also, I’ve feeling at odds with commenting on my once favorite blogs. I don’t know why I am feeling like that. I do still read them religiously. Maybe, I am just trying to pull myself away.

I’ve also thought about going completely private, so no one can see it. I’m feeling like a fraud, a fake if you will. I’m usually never controversial on the messageboards and god forbid I write something reactionary here. I tend to keep everything light and shiny, and maybe a bit boring. But really, I’m really a deep, somewhat negative and cynical, to be honest. I just don’t like showing people that side of me. I don’t like putting up a facade, but I do. There you have it. Life ain’t perfect.

I swear everytime I see them they seem to grow like beansprouts.

Den collects t-shirts of Heavy Metal bands. Anyways, he bought a t-shirt and onsies for the kids, in attempts to rub his music influence onto them.

What a cool card my child made for me today. It is all black, with black drawings, and some more black shapes attached to it, with a subtle splash of color. He has such sophisticated design skills.

The scans are way darker than the originals. This is the front.

Here is the inside. You obviously cannot see the drawings and black shapes on there. It looks way cool in real life.