I wonder everyday how long we will be breastfeeding. Brennan usually breastfeeds about 4-5 times a day. This has been his schedule for so long, that most of the time, I think he will be going way past two. But yesterday, for the first time, he actually refused my boob. We were laying on the couch. I don’t remember if it was him that expressed interest or if I was offering him, but he started to put his mouth over my boob, but then he pulled away. He continued doing that several times, smiling and shaking his finger at me. His grandma usually shakes her finger at him when he attempts to breastfeed. Then he moved away. I kept trying to offer it to him and he kept refusing. Then he started playing with the lid of my papermaking blender. There is a small part of the lid that comes off, so I screwed it off and then he put it on my boob and pretended that he was sucking. He was actually making a game out of it. After that, I offered him the boob again, and he sucked a few times before I pulled away. It seemed like he didn’t really care one way or the other. Another thing, I’ve noticed is that he has been sleeping through the night longer. Well okay, I think it has only been two days. But he didn’t wake up at 4:00 a.m. like he usually does.

I know that a lot of times, I can’t stand breastfeeding and that I just want to stop it cold turkey. I get tired of him feeding longer than a half an hour. But I strongly believe in letting your child self wean. I see our relationship turning a corner. He still really depends on the before going to bed feeding and early morning feeding. But I see him disposing of any daytime feedings.

What it come down to is that I am proud that we have been breastfeeding for almost 20 months.

I can’t believe that it has been one year since I’ve decided to become a Stay-at-home-mom. It has been a great year. I love waking up every morning and I don’t have to be in a rush to get somewhere. I sure don’t miss driving on the 405. I love being there for Brennan when he wakes up in the morning. A lot of times we wake up together. Other times, he will wake up and then scurry off the bed and then walk up to the gate that is blocking the stairs. He usually will make a noise or say Daddy. And then I get to sing him the morning song. I get to be there to feed him his breakfast while he watches his favorite morning shows. I love just spending time with him all day, although that usually means that don’t accomplish anything. But that’s okay. I don’t have to miss him during the daytime, only to come home and spend but a few hours with him before going to bed. I would not trade my space with anyone.

If you don’t think you can make it on a single income, you will be surprised at how you can make due. One advice that I have is to make sure before you quit your job, to put all of your paycheck into your savings for as long as you can, to see if you can live on your spouses salary. It serves as money for a rainy day. We pretty much live on Den’s academic paycheck, but since he is off during the summer, a couple of times we had to transfer money over. I think in the end, you automatically adjust to what you have.

Plus nothing will replace the years that you would have lost if you were to be working away from your child. Also, daycare is so expensive, that financially it is not worth it. Like I said in the above, I would not trade this with anyone.

Yum, I am eating this kettle popcorn that Den bought by Act II. It is quite yummy, but probably has lots of calories.

Speaking of calories, I finally got to work out at the gym. Den starts the semester teaching again, so he didn’t have to leave until 2:00 today. So I went around 8:00. I haven’t actually lifted weights in about a month. I love lifting weights. I normally either do upper body or lower body separately, but usually not together. I like the soreness you feel, but if you are only working a certain part of the body, the pain is isolated. When I feel that soreness the next day, I know that I had a good workout.

Although, I haven’t lifted weights in a while, I still have made an effort to actually work out. For the past couple weeks, Brennan and I have been going to the gym. I am trying to drop him off at the daycare there, but he ain’t buying it. He begins to scream as soon as I start walking out the door. Boy does this kid have a bad case of mommy separation anxiety. So basically, what ends up happening is that he screams and pulls my hand and then I have to play with him for a few minutes. Then if I make a slight effort to move toward the door, he starts crying again. We end up having to leave, and then head to the mall for a couple of hours. I plan to drop him off at first at least once a week, but maybe in the attempts to get him used to the daycare, I should try to drop him off twice a week.

This is the plan in my head. I am thinking if we go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday, and then I go walking on Wednesdays and maybe Fridays, that would be a good routine. I also want to work out on Sundays. I’ve just realized that Den doesn’t teach until the later afternoon on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I could workout in the morning before Brennan wakes up. Uhh, too confusing. It will probably be awhile until Brennan gets used to the gym, so I guess as long as I am consistent that is what counts . I remember when he was younger, like 12 months or so, I took him to the gym and was actually able to get about and hour’s workout. They mostly held him, since he was a little guy. Now that he is so much older, he realizes that I am not there.

I really hope he gets used to gym soon.

Yummy! I finally got to eat a cheese quesadilla this morning, since I didn’t get to eat cheese last week. I used one burrito size flour tortilla and sprinkled a bunch mild chedder cheese on it. Oh so yummy for my tummy!

My blog is now officially public now. Yay!

I still have a lot of work to do on it. Like, add my links to my favorite blogs and other cool links. Also, I have to add an about me blurb, which will go up at that blank space to the right next to the picture of Brennan taken underneath the Hermosa Pier. I am still in the working on the photo gallery. Any suggestions on good photo galleries would be happily appreciated. I will be adding pictures of Brennan, scrapbooking, stamping, and other artsy projects that I am working on. I know there is a lot of other stuff that need to be added, but like me, it is a work in progress.

Let’s see, also a thank you WordPress for a wonderful blogging tool, squidfingers for the wonderful header graphic, and Alex King for the css style. I really did want to install Kubrick, but it was a bit too complicated and there is so much controversery surrounding it. Maybe one day in the future.

Thanks to my four readers for being so patient with me.

I am so craving a cheese quesadilla. Oh well, I guess I will have to settle for leftover gourmet vegetarian pizza from Round Table.

Note to self: Don’t forget to buy cheese.

with my son. I am actually writing this entry in my regular journal and then transferring over here. The last time I wrote in it was October 1, 2002. Anyways, I am laying here next to my beautiful child. I am watching him sleep. His hands are closed up in tight fists. Every so often they twitch up and down. I wonder why he closes his hand so tightly. He has such soft baby skin, even though he isn’t a baby anymore. His eyes are shut with his long curly lashes sticking out. Den shaved his hair a couple of weeks ago, but it is already growing out so much. I see that his hair has filled out so much, not like when he was a newborn. He has patches of blond hair growing out, mostly on the front of his hairline. His hair color is right in between my color and Den’s color. But his eyebrows are mostly blond and his eyelashes are dark like mine. His upper lips looks so small compared to his lower lip, maybe because they are in a pout. His nose has this perfect rounded slope, not smashed in like some other kids that I have seen. His ears don’t stick out, but lay gently close to his head. I may be biased, but Brennan is the most perfect child ever. Just look at him.

I love this little boy so much. I am so much in love with him. I really can stare at him for hours sleeping and watching his little body heaving from his sweet baby breath.

I love you my baby boy!